


My Way

by Anonymous



Category: The Centricide (Webseries)
Genre: ....definitely a vent fic, B"), B), Gen, between ancap leaving team extreme and finding libertarian, hello??? ancap projection hours??/, individualism, lowkey a vent fic, sorry I can't hear you over the sound of my FREEDOM, whats this?? you shouldn't be idolizing ancap and making him a better version of you???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:35:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29838201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Ancap saves himself from himself.
Relationships: Anarcho-Capitalist & Anarcho-Capitalist
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15
Collections: Anonymous





	My Way

**Author's Note:**

> lets be honest, if you try for more than two minutes you'll probably be able to figure out who I am even though I posted this anon :/

In order of appearance, the thoughts through Ancap’s head were: _you think so badly of me? You hate me that deeply? You think I am that horrible?_ _(Am I that horrible?)_ And _logically, an environment without allies is toxic. Ancom left. There is no place for you among authoritarians._

So, because that sentiment was clear, Ancap had clenched his jaw, smoothed his features best he could and said: “It is time for me to go.”

Now he’s here on this helicopter. Tapping his show on the floor. It’s self-piloting. The wonders of technology. Here in the sky, he is alone with no one but himself and the luxury interior. With the fancy bright lights and fancy patterned ceiling and fancy satin chairs. Alone. Well, not quite.

There are drugs in here, too. And knives. A good time. And Ancap—he feels sensitive, feels raw and exposed. Feels more vulnerable than he has in years. They authoritarians consider him a monster. It shouldn’t scald his skin. It does. Maybe it’s less that they do. Maybe it’s—

maybe it’s that he almost killed Libertarian, maybe it’s that he’s been living in a house with the other extremists for _months_ and his nerves wore thin, maybe it’s—

maybe what Commie and Nazi said struck a nerve.

_I hate you_ , Ancap thinks, nails digging into his palms. He relaxes artificially. Digs out his phone. Checks stocks. they’re down. Oh. So he can’t even do his job right, huh? That is—money is Ancap’s pride. He prides himself on his ability to _do_ things. Ancom never actually accomplishes anything. Nazi runs himself into the ground beneath the weight of his own horrid ideology. Commie kills himself in his incompetency. Ancap—

Capitalism (if not freedom) has enveloped the world. Capitalism has marched the advance of civilization. Ancap knows this system well. Ancap succeeds. Ancap rides the market and comes out on top. Ancap—

Is currently down. Now only is he stewing in these _useless_ emotions but he’s also financially stepped in a pitfall, and what does that say for his market value? His market value is depreciating. Or—no. It’s _nosediving_. And what does that say about him?

_I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this go away, where can I hide from this? No where, it’s in your head. Aren’t you always making fun of Ancom and Nazi for fighting problems in their own head?_

Ancap leans against the cold class windows looking out into some bright and glittering nighttime cityscape. Leaning on such high a window is almost dizzying. It gives the illusion that he will fall. Rand, he wants to go _away—_

He can’t run from this, because he is the problem. It’s the way air feels suffocating, and his suit sticks close to his skin, and he grits his teeth and the sharp pain of nails in his skin and maybe none of that matters at all because the worst part is his mind. It’s inescapable, all-consuming, envelops every bit of his senses. And he is all alone with it.

Ancap has always been one for hiding away from threats. Commie calls It cowardice. Which is real funny, coming from Commie, who drafts people out to die and fight wars while he sits in his office directing lives like he has _any right—_

He is trembling, he realizes. Of anger or something else he isn’t sure.

So, pills, maybe. That’s the best reprieve Ancap can think of. There are some in his chest pockets this very moment! It would surely get him out of this head space. Surely. Or maybe some powder! Ancap has never been a stickler to sobriety. Right. Yeah. Ancap takes a packet from his pocket. He needs—

Ancap stills. Throws the packet on the floor.

He has o reservations concerning drugs but Ancap _will not_ build a habit of drug use as a coping mechanism. He is not the fucking _Ancom_. He cannot afford to be building habits like that. Drugs are a fun, lively, wonderful thing. They are entertainment. He does not _require_ them. Just like he does not require to cut his arm open or dig his nails deep or be slave to emotion.

This itching, crawling, loathful self-consciousness that makes him want to crawl from his skin and turn into nothing—there is no one that can rescue him from this. And it will only get worse is he cuts himself open or wraps himself around drugs. He’s _seen_ Ancom in quis lowest slumps. When qui cannot leave bed and cannot go a day without substance, when quis arms are bandaged and wrapped and there are deep circles beneath quis eyes. When Ancom is like that, Commie is always there for quem.

There is no one anywhere for Ancap. Even if there were, he would _never_ grow a reliance on someone. So he can’t dig himself under. He can’t. He can’t walk willing down a pit of misery. He can’t indulge that desire. There is no one in the world that will ever care for Ancap better than Ancap is capable of caring for himself. There is no world in which Ancap has the _right_ to demand one-sided aid from others.

Ancap breathes in, breathes out. He’s always been a logical thinker. If only logic wasn’t so muddied right now, wasn’t so swept up in this wave of self-hatred. If only—

_No if-onlys_. _You are not a victim. You will never be a victim until the last of your freedom is taken by violent coercion. This is precisely what you criticize the leftists for._

No one has the right to impact him so badly. No one has the capability to cage him with words. No one has the right to make him so overbearingly anxious. And he does not have the right to complain about it if they do. Because it’s his own mind and his own psyche and it is his to control. To mold and meld.

He—Ancap is a lot of things, but he never has and never will use an outdated structure (government) to enforce violence. He never has and never will violate consent, or physically attack for anything but self-defense, or steal private property. That cannot be said for the others. He is fine.

Okay. Right.

Ancap breathes in, breathes out. Straightens up. Already starts on calculations and plans. He can deal with the stock issue later. Right now, he has to figure out the immediate future. He has no place with ruthless authoritarians. He belongs within his own quadrant, where people respect property rights and freedom.

He should...find Libertarian. Libertarian has always been a pleasant presence. Ancap is always capable of change. Changing company from idiots that disagree with him to librights that understand is _easy_. It will be a positive change. Cut off the rot. Stop letting their words bear any significance on his conduct.

Honestly.

There is no one in the _world_ that should hold power to dictate how Ancap feels about himself. And there isn’t. There is no one like that. Ancap will not _let_ there be anyone like that. To break himself free of mental laws—

that is freedom.

**Author's Note:**

> I am...not doing well, actually. I’m fucking depressed. Sometimes I want to die. I hate myself a lot and care too much about other people’s opinions. Writing this calmed me down. I’m glad. On the other hand, it’s like 4am now and Im not gonna get nearly enough sleep. Dygbcngodngf whatever man
> 
> I know this is garbage. Sorry for polluting the centricide tag haha. I figure that I contribute enough halfway decent stuff to the tag to make up for dumping garbage every once in a while though.
> 
> Although this was a vent fic a lot of this is actually kind some of my headcanon for Ancap. It’s what made me choose him for this. Vent fics usually end on a bad note, but I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to say there’s no hope for me. I don’t want to say there’s no hope for you, either.
> 
> I think I need help but I can’t get any so. Haha. Fanfic I guess.
> 
> If for some weird reason that I don’t understand, you liked this, then I wouldn’t mind if you commented. 


End file.
